The 'in between' space of summer

This blog is an amalgamation of experiences with many different clients over the years and the consistent themes that have arisen. It should not be read as a description of any individual client's unique experience or circumstance.

Summer is a beautiful time for light, imagination and abundance. Over the years that I have been a leadership coach, I have noticed that it can also be a liminal¹ time between old chapters ending and new chapters beginning. Perhaps it is our tendency to be organised by the school calendar, long after we have left our academic days behind us. Whatever the reason, giving attention to this 'in between' space can help clients intentionally let go of what is no longer serving them and step forward purposefully into a different form of leadership - one that is rooted in joy, care, community and a deep trust in themselves.

This work can be complex. My clients are mostly from the Global Majority. They have learned to survive in messy workplaces not historically designed for them, with all of the corresponding structural and institutional barriers to their thriving. This they do, alongside the internal stories they carry about their right to be there, their fear of being 'found out' as inadequate and other limiting narratives.²

So it is essential that our work together begins with acknowledging everything that it has taken to get them to where they are - the relentless 'doing' to keep themselves safe from excessive scrutiny, the ever higher bar of 'perfectionism' because if they only achieve 'just one more thing', they will feel deserving of their place, the willingness to bend themselves in deeply uncomfortable ways to 'fit in' - and expressing gratitude and gently saying goodbye to the extreme nature of those ways of being.

But this way of working is so familiar that it can feel deeply uncomfortable to let go of it. Almost like taking off a well-worn winter coat. Heavy to the point of being a burden, especially in warmer weather, but strangely comforting. I read somewhere that a butterfly works hardest when it is just about to emerge from its chrysalis. That's what this part can sometimes feel like.

So I ask all my clients to tell me a true story about themselves at their best. What did they do and who were they being, in that moment? And what we uncover are their core values - those internal guideposts that make their heart sing when they are working in a values-aligned way and send a strong signal of discomfort in their bodies when they are in a situation that is not values-aligned. Most people's values have been shaped over decades and - as it turns out - taking off the winter coat doesn't mean letting go of your values. If anything, clients can see more clearly what they stand for, what they are no longer willing to stand for and the brilliance of who they are. The butterfly emerges.

Something else that becomes clearer when we shine light on it is the wisdom that is uniquely theirs; the long lineage from which this wisdom comes and the ways in which it is irreversibly threaded into their beings. The stories of their immediate and historical ancestry - of the struggles, solidarity and flourishing - are stories to be proud of, to be part of and to continue. Knowing themselves, and the deep and broad shoulders they stand on, is the beginning of trusting themselves and letting go of fear. It's the beginning of remembering who they really are and sparking a curiosity that perhaps who they really are is exactly who they need to be. As Coco Chanel once said, "How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone."

So emerges a different and more expansive form of leadership, rooted in joy, care and community.³ In being their unique selves and embracing difference. In knowing what is uniquely theirs to carry and what can be set down. In being valued for the value they bring, valuing others for the same and building living organisms (not organisations) of mutual thriving. And, in more firmly saying yes to the chapter ahead of them.

As you sit in the liminal space of summer, if you are interested in talking more about coaching and how it can be in service of your goals for your next chapter, please contact me at priya@coachingwithpriya.co.uk.

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¹ 'Liminal' or the 'in-between space' is a concept I was introduced to by Don Falk, my former CEO at TNDC, and I have carried it around ever since, determined to use it in some writing one day.

² For more on the internalised, interpersonal, institutional and structural dimensions of racism, watch "Cracking the Codes: The System of Racial Inequity". To learn how to understand and respond to these dimensions in UK workplaces, please contact me about race equity training (EDP Training founded by Bianca Jones).

³ For more on joy, courage and compassion in leadership, even in the hardest of times, I highly recommend "Leading with Joy" by Akaya Windwood and Vini Bhansali.